well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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