I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Dignity is for republicans.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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