I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
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I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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