He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
