I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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