Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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