I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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