I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
