Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
