I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
