um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
