Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
