i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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