i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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