Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
