Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
