Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
