that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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