another moral hangover. fuck.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
