Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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