Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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