people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
