there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
