Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
