We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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