There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
