you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
