i'm signing you up for texting rehab
honey bunches of taint.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
