If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
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There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
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i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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