Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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