cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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