she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Randomize
