Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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