I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
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He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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