Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
