Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I have demons in me.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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