I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
