apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
