Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
