I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
