then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
