Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You are the jesus of drinking
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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