exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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