He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You ate ashes out of my bong
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
