I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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