Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
