its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
