I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
