Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
God, I missed his penis.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
