she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My pussy is not your playground.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
