i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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