i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
