when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
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correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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