So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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