Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize