I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
