i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
