Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
