so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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