I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
