I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize
